Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
