Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
