I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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