So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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