I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, beer. Big fan.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you made out with another girl for some wings
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
false alarm, still single
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