She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
