somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
