Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
