I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
