My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
