Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
