I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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