Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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