but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
