Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
