Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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