I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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