OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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