if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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