Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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