How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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