don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
