Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
