Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
