Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
