hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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