The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
