You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
