he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
