Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
