Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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