So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The uberlube is also flammable
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
