I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
