ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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