Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
