So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
