But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
