ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
