Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
