Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
