Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
