She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
