I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
