mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
