After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
