Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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