Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
