so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
