So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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