We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
