How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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